Grace? No Thank You! (John 8: 1-11)

My sin had found me! I knew it would come out in the open sooner or later. I knew what I was doing. I knew the consequences but I did it anyway. I was caught in the very act and I was dragged outside. In all my shame, I was flung in to the open for the world to see – my mask was removed. Family, friends, church members, Sunday school kids, all with a stone in their hands – “Hypocrite” they called me. “Stone her! She deserves to die!” they shouted. 

My sin had finally found me. 

And there I was, flung before my Lord in all my nakedness and disgrace. He saw me as I was – me at my ugliest! I sat there with my head in my hands, covering my face. How could I show my face to Him? The Creator of the universe was watching me right now, completely defiled and undeserving of mercy. I was ashamed! Humiliated! Insulted! Rejected! Condemned! – And I deserved every bit of it.

I was scared now, waiting for the first stone to be hurled at me. But instead, I saw the Son of Man, kneel down next to me. He wrote something on the ground. I was too petrified to look. He spoke something but I was too ashamed to listen. And suddenly, I felt Him touch my ugly face with His warm hands. “Look at me” He said. “Is there anyone here who condemns you?” The world around me went strangely dim. All I could see was the face of the Son of God. I looked around and no one was there but Jesus alone. “No sir” I said. I couldn’t even take His name on my lips. I stared at the ground, tears flowing down my face. I was tired. I gave up. I was just waiting for Him to condemn me, turn His back on me, and then stone me to death. I deserved it. 

But I was wrong! The epitome of holiness smiled at me as He said, “Neither do I condemn you.”

Wait, what did He say? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Surely He didn’t say that He didn’t condemn me! Surely the Son of God was the only One Who could stone me! Surely I didn’t hear it right! I asked Him again, “What did You say my Lord?” Only this time, I was smiling from ear to ear. And the Son of Man bent down, took off His own cloak and put it on to me, covering me as He smiled and said, “Go and sin no more!” 

I couldn’t believe it! He really didn’t condemn me! What kind of Man was He?!!!

As He covered me and I began to embrace His grace, I suddenly became all too aware of my nakedness. My shame was overbearing. I looked around and the crowd seemed to have returned, each with a stone in their hands, waiting to hurl it at me. I stood up in fear, as I recognized every face… these people.... this crowd – they were all me! My own righteousness had found me! 

I got scared. I threw the cloak Jesus put on me. “I don’t deserve Your grace Lord” I shouted as I ran! I ran away from Him as fast as I could and in to the closed doors of what I thought was my safe haven. I could still hear the crowd behind me, throwing stones at my door. I shut my ears but I could still hear them. Different aspects of my own self mocking me - the worship leader, the Sunday school teacher, the Christian blogger - every single one of them reminding of how rotten a sinner I was. All my righteousness was here... all the roles that I was proud to play, now condemning me and putting me to shame. I felt dirty all over again. 

I now sit in a corner, tears rolling down my face, my head hanging in shame and knees clenched close to my chest as I look at what I’d become. When would this stop? When would I be rid of this condemnation? When would I stop running? I had become ... a wretch! That’s the only word I could think of. How did things go so bad? I keep running and running and running and nobody sees my struggle. I keep making a mockery of God’s love and grace. I’m running from my sin, and I’m running from grace, knowing full well that my fight is in vain. But I don’t see a choice. I have to struggle. My struggle bears no fruit. My sin kills my conscience and wins over my soul and I have nothing to say about it. Nothing to say to it, but to run all over again. And now I’m tired.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize the sudden silence that surrounded me! Where did everyone go? As I stepped out to see what was going on, I saw darkness fill the sky as I heard a voice shout out to the heavens, “Forgive them Lord.” Forgive them? “It is finished!” No! This can’t be true! As I saw my Lord’s lifeless, blood strewn body hanging on the cross, I began to realize the magnitude of what had happened. I should have been hanging on that tree. I should have been stripped and flogged and battered for the sins I had committed. But instead, this Man who knew no sin, died in my place. I shut my eyes tight, processing this realization, and truly understanding, that because of what He did, I am FREE! As I finally accepted the gift He had given, I forgave myself, and with that forgiveness and acceptance, came a peace that transcends all understanding. Did I deserve this grace? No! Did that stop Him from giving it? No. Am I grateful? - A resounding YES!

Life is when you realize that Christ, knowing full well that we would constantly doubt His love and grace, keep turning back and shoving Him off the throne of our lives, died and rose again nonetheless, and if needed, would do it all over again without so much as batting an eyelid

But here is how God has shown his love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

~ Romans 5:8

Burdens light?

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11: 28-30

So today was one of those days when just waking up was a task! I was lazy and tired and still had so much to do. I dragged myself out of bed, fake excited that it was the weekend. I did my chores - cooked, cleaned, washed clothes. I glared at my watch - stupid time was not headed anywhere! I was feeling so lousy! After finishing my chores and whiling away as much time as I could, I decided to go for a walk. To make my walk more productive, I decided I’d walk down to Walmart and do some grocery shopping. So I wore an empty backpack and set out on my journey.

As I walked on the streets of Lynchburg, I looked around, enjoyed every bit of the changing colors of the Fall leaves, the cool breeze on my face, and the excruciating pain of a good workout! But there was one thing that made me feel very uncomfortable! The stupid empty backpack just didn’t seem right! And I thought to myself, if this is the case with an empty backpack, what am I going to do when I have the groceries in and I need to walk back home? Ugh! I brought this on myself, I had to do it. 

I reached Walmart, bought the stuff I needed, filled my backpack and began the dreaded journey back home. You know what though? The journey wasn’t stressful at all. I found that the weight in my bag ensured I was balanced and I could walk with ease.

As I thought about what I just learnt, I had a whole new perspective of what the Lord means when He says in His word, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So often we crib and cry over the  burdens we bear, the baggage we carry along life’s journey and we shout out and ask, “Why Lord? Why?”, does it ever occur to us that it probably is so we have balance in our lives; so the journey would in fact be comfortable? I noticed that as I carried my heavy bag, the weight didn’t bog me down. It was just right. What it did do was help me get a better work out. Have we considered that’s exactly what our burdens do to our faith? How else do we move from being ‘lukewarm’ to being on ‘fire’? 

The truth is, God’s never going to give us more than we can bear. Not one bit more. If you’re burdened, it’s because you have the strength to deal with it. God’s got that confidence in us. How and why? I’ll never know! But this I know, when I’m weary and feel beaten down by life’s burdens, God says, “come to me, I will give you rest” and that’s exactly what I plan to do!

image copyrights: Skit Guys

Where is Faith?

I was reading the story of David and Goliath. It’s a story I've read and taught a zillion times. It’s the same old, same old – David sees the giant, he picks five stones, he flings one stone at Goliath and the giant came tumbling down. The end.

Only this time when I read it, I looked a bit deeper in to the story. I began questioning the story – David had faith. He knew that the battle belonged to the Lord. He had faith. Faith enough to walk up to a 10 foot giant without an armor. And everybody who tells this story focuses on just that. Could we, for but one moment think about why David picked FIVE stones? He knew God was on his side. He knew he’d kill the giant. He knew it. So with confidence, he bent down and picked up one stone. He turns to walk away to face the giant. Suddenly he stops. Thinks for a bit – what if one stone is not enough? What if he needs to fling another stone? What if he needs to fling more than just two stones? What if that doesn't kill the giant? And he bends down and picks FIVE stones. And it makes me think – David needed just one stone. David wanted just one stone. So were the other FOUR stones his back up if things didn't go the way they were meant to? If the answer is yes, then where is faith?

And I look in to my own life and look at the giants that stand before me – giants of uncertainty, giants of fear – and I look around at what I want. I look around for what I need. And instead of picking up just one stone… the one stone that will put my giant to rest, I look around. I look for a way out. I look for ‘options’. What if things don’t go the way they’re supposed to? What if….? And I go looking for more stones. I have a backup plan.  And I ask myself – where is faith?

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for  and assurance about what we do not see” ~ Hebrews 11:1

Faith – It has no backup plans!

In Control? Really?

Chaos! Chaos everywhere! Is there an end to all the innocent blood that is being shed? The Bible did predict this hundreds of years ago – “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars … Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places (Matt 24:6-7)” – but it still is disheartening, discouraging and scary!

As I read the news about the Mumbai blasts today, I couldn’t help but wonder – Is God even watching all of this? Does He even care?

As a by-stander, a third person, I can safely say that the Lord is sovereign, He knows all things, etc., etc., the typical Christian outlook on things. But then I wonder, what about the people in the heart of this situation? What about the people who are injured and struggling between life and death in the hospital – would they think God is control? What about those whose bodies have been shred to pieces – would their families think God is in control? What about the wife who didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her husband – would she think God is in control? What about the little boy who will never see his mom again – would he think God is in control? What about the father who is mourning the loss of his child – would he think God is in control? What about those who witnessed the blast, witnessed the loss of innocent blood, witnessed people being burnt, body parts flinging across the skies – would they think God is in control? What about the man who lost his arm, the woman who has to live without legs her entire life? What about the bride-to-be whose entire body is now scarred and face disfigured – would she think God is in control?

And as I sat back in reflection, I looked up and asked, “Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And then, all of a sudden I felt something wet trickle down beside me – blood! Lots of it! I screamed! I got scared! It wasn’t my blood. Someone else was hurt and they were hurt real bad. I ran around looking for them. I stepped on something – it was a piece of flesh. I got even more scared! Was I at the scene of the bomb blast? I panicked. I looked around again. I ran. I bumped in to the tree. When I fell down, I saw another chunk of flesh! Wait! This didn’t seem like the effect of a blast. It seemed more like the flesh that was ripped off of someone’s body. Ewww!!! Who would do something like that?!!! I followed the blood trail as it led me up a hill top. The amount of blood I saw made me ask this question – after all this, does the person hurt,  even have a drop of blood remaining in his body?. I looked up at this man, completely bruised, blood all over his body, his face and body disfigured by what seemed like injuries made by a whip. The soldier stabbed the man in his side with a spear, and I had the answer to my question – there was indeed no more blood left in his body. Only serum oozed out. Every single drop of blood was shed. I watched this man, beaten, flogged, injured, disfigured beyond recognition. As darkness spread across the skies, I watched his body slump against the rugged cross. I watched the woman at his feet, weeping the loss of her son. I watched the expression of his friends who watched his horrific death. I watched as his father ran his fingers over his torn body. I watched as the soldiers got him off the cross. I watched as his parents went hysterical over their son’s lifeless body. I watched as his heavenly Father turned His face away. I watched as the innocent lamb was slain. I watched as the perfect sacrifice was made. I watched as the ransom was paid. I listened as I recollected what he’d said – “Father, in to Your hands I commit my spirit. It is finished!”

I shut my eyes at the revelation. Unshed tears now flowing down, as I reflected on the questions I raised just a few minutes ago, to the One Who I thought had distanced Himself from the suffering and injustice in this world. 

“Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And Jesus stretched out His nail pierced hands and said, “I know how it feels. I understand”

I knew then – I don’t have to wonder if God is still in control. He is. He sees. He knows. But He ain’t sitting with His arms folded – “The day is coming when the wicked will be judged, and justice will be served - For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace; and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze,” says the LORD of hosts (Malachi 4:1)

Until then,

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name!

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!

The Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him!

From Lent to Easter

So for this edition of our newsletter, my colleague asked me if I could write her an article on what lent is. Obviously, I was thinking too highly of my writing skills when I agreed, only to realize that I was depending on skills I didn’t have (Sigh!). Her deadline for me was Tuesday, April 5 and since I am at times a big believer of ‘what can be done tomorrow should only be done tomorrow’, I thought I’d wait for the long Ugadi weekend to put in to words.

As luck would have it, I didn’t quite have a free weekend. In fact, I was travelling to Vizag to attend a program. Since it was the weekend and the World Cup fever was on (India won! India won! Woohooo!!!!), my evenings were pretty much free. I walked up to the beach and was in awe of the ocean – it's magnificence, it's strength, the power it held to draw me and gobble me up in no time, the humility it showed in gently caressing my feet as it washed across the shore, and the uncanny sense of peace and calm it emits. As I watched the waves trickling to my feet, I looked around and saw the rocks that kept the waves from reaching me with zest. I got a little annoyed but stepped a bit further in to the ocean and while doing so, couldn’t help but wonder why people thought the ocean was hypnotic. And, then, I suddenly realized what they meant – I found myself, face to face with this huge wave that was rushing towards me and I could for that moment, understand what all those people felt when they saw the tsunami gush their way – okay the wave that came toward me was not as big as a tsunami wave but the fear it generated was all the same. What I didn’t realize was that while I was lost in the beauty of the ocean, the sand beneath my feet slipped away and drew me in. I shut my eyes and hoped I wouldn’t die. But to my surprise and great relief (believe you me!), the wave that hit me was not as powerful as I anticipated it to be. As I looked around, I realized that the intensity with which the wave came didn’t change. What made the difference was what was between the wave and me – a rock!

I thought of what just happened. The rock that stood before me as a hurdle was something that I was now grateful for. I realized how true that sentiment held to life itself. I realized that each of us, in our own way, crib and cry about rocks that come in our way. But what we fail to realize is that they’re probably the only things that are keeping the storm at bay. Thrilled at my insight, I walked back to the shore and realized that what I’d learnt was exactly what Lent was about – a time of reflection on the cross of Christ – the cross that even today, stands between my sin and me. The only difference between the rock in the ocean and the cross of Christ, is that though the wave hit the rock, the water was still there. But when my sin met the cross, it was like my sin never existed in the first place.

Good Friday is a day that commemorates Christ’s death on the cross, as a full and complete sacrifice for the sin of all mankind, breaking the barrier between God and man, demonstrating the greatest expression of love. And, Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ, as a victory over sin and death, a reminder that all things do work out for good, that good will reign over evil, that life will reign over death.

If today, you feel like there is a lot happening in your life and the burden of it all is too much to bear, don’t lose hope. If the night is here, then the dawn isn’t too far away. If Good Friday is here, then Easter is sure to come.

Is This Love?

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ... so begins Genesis chapter 1, a chapter we've read and read and read hundreds of times! At least, I've read this chapter several times. But the other day, as I asked the Lord to 'open eyes that I might see great and wonderful things in His law', He unfolded this gift of creation, in a way I've neverknown before.

As I read through these verses, I had a whole new perspective on creation. I learnt that while creating the heavens and the earth, the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea, the plants, the towering mountains, the gorgeous sceneries, the Lord just spoke the Word and everything came in to existence. He said, "Let there be light" and the Bible records, "there was light" - He said it and it was done. But, when it came to you and me … when it came to creating us, He created us in His own image. The hands that bore the nails on the cross, were the hands that created all that I am. In our case, He didn't just say the word and bring us into existence. Rather, He took time to "make" you and me.

As I read this chapter, I imagined every scene … I watched the Lord kneel on the ground, He put his hands in the mud wondering where to start because you and I had to be perfect! As I watched, I could see the delight and glee in His eyes as He carefully formed my body. With mud smudged on His brow, His dress all messed up, He carved my eyes, ears, mouth and lips to perfection. Once I was finished, He smiled, brought me really close to Himself and breathed me in to life. When you and I call out – "Our Father" – We are actually calling out to the 'Creator' of the heavens and the earth … The fact is that the Lord of the earth is the very God Who made all that I am!... And God saw all that He had created and it was good.

One quote that came to my mind as I realized with what love and delight the Lord created me is as follows -"I am so grateful for this picture of the Creator God – Elohim – Who bends to the lowest point of creation – the dust – that I might rise to the highest intention of the universe and have a relationship with the Deity" ~ Selwyn Hughes

I'm privileged to be a child of LOVE – God is LOVE!!!

Life Abundantly

One of my most favourite verses in the Bible is John 10:10 – I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.

Every time I think of this verse, I can’t help but ask myself, what is abundant life? Is it having a life that has no troubles? Or is it having everything you can ever ask for? What is it???

Over the past few weeks, through all my cribbing (yes I have the ability to bug the life out of God with my constant whining) God taught me what an abundant life I was actually living. He taught me how to honor the work He has so graciously hand-picked me to do. Over the past few weeks, I watched people, who I would’ve imagined would have found their lives meaningless, live life that screams out abundance. I watched a man without hands and feet, live a life that was complete and independent – independent because of his dependence on Christ. I watched a man clinging to Christ knowing his wife would die any day now – she has fourth degree cancer. I watched a man struggle with feelings of guilt and despair, after his brother died, just days after his brother donated part of his liver to save his life.

I saw all these people living such full lives and took a close look at my own. What was I doing? Sulking because I had spots on my face? Because I had too much weight on my body? Because I had no hair? Because I hadn’t achieved anything ‘significant’ in my life? Because I was a 23yr old without many friends and without what I thought was life? Nonsense! My life the way it was, was God given. And God saw all that He had made, and it was good. … and that, changed everything. Physical appearances, circumstances, no longer mattered. I realized that I was happy not because of who/what was around me but because I learnt to tap in to that joy that actually Christ had filled in to my life ages ago. I realized that it didn’t matter that I never once had a relationship, when kids so much younger than me were making life long commitments. The only relationship that mattered was the one I shared with that Person Who shed every single drop of blood for me on the cross of Calvary and if I asked Him now, would do it all over again, without so much as thinking for a fraction of a second. That’s my Man! And I have no qualms declaring it!

This is abundant life – to know for a fact that I’ve been loved beyond measure; enough to have the Son of man die on the cross and live again for me; walking with me through all the sense and the non-sense that I go through everyday.

This is abundant life – that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8: 38-39).

Even In My Darkest Hour

The other day my 3yr old nephew Anand was making a fuss – he wanted to go out. Unable to bear his tantrum, I took him out. I was taking him to the terrace and all along, he didn't want to hold my hand. I forcefully held it but he somehow wriggled out and kept walking ahead, holding on to the staircase railing and at times to nothing at all.

As I walked up the staircase, all of a sudden, I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life – I realized then that we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible… he just didn't want to let go – period!It was at that point that I felt God speak to me… He showed me the reason He allowed me to walk through darkness – so I would learn to hold on to Him…

Micah 7:8b – Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Here Today; Gone Tomorrow

March 4, 2010:

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes ~ James 4:14

I was so excited this morning – my first ever air show! I looked at the pass like a zillion times… Charged my camera all night long coz I didn’t want to miss any pictures. Morning seemed to take forever. I woke up – took flat 30mins to get dressed and out of the house. I rushed my way through the security check, holding on to my pass for dear life.

So many planes – WOW! I felt insignificant around them.

The show started… Fighter planes zipping by… Two planes from the right, two from the left came close to each other and made a split – two took the U to the left but only one took the U to the right… What happened? Where’d the 4th flight go? It swirled in the sky for a few seconds – what a cool stunt I thought. Little did I know, that was no stunt – that was the pilot’s struggle between life and death. I watched in horror as the fighter plane crashed in to a building – a loud blast and the plane was consumed in flames. Thick dark smoke. We saw one pilot eject himself – parachute up in the sky. Was he safe? The darn thing didn’t open – he hit hard ground and died.

It all seemed so weird. A split second ago, pilots Commander S. K. Maurya and Lt. Commander Rahul Nair were up in the sky; probably even imagining the excitement of their audiences. The next thing they know, the flight goes out of control. The same flight that took them zooming in the sky, brought them crashing down to rock bottom.

All this made me wonder – what would have been going through their minds? I agree that there were others injured in the mishap. But, isn’t not anticipating injury and getting injured so much easier than, staring at the choice between life and death, knowing fully well that they would both result in death alone? Imagine their hopelessness!

Gosh! Itz all so scary!

All the hopes and plans that Maurya and Rahul made for today, for tomorrow, for their lives ahead, all vanished in a split second. I understood at that point what James (in the Bible) meant when he compared life to a vapor – here today, gone tomorrow.

Maurya and Rahul would’ve practiced their acts zillions of times – they trusted their equipment. They knew their planes would pull this act off today as well… What happened? All that they hoped in, gave way to a crash landing.

I ask myself today, where is my hope and my security built? On the equipment I use? On my job? My family? My friends? On my possessions? … whatz the point of figuring it all out and then realizing that my only hope gives way?

At that point, I remembered a very old hymn that I learnt. It was a reality check to see where I stand… Actually a check on where my hope stands… It made me realize that I still may be shit scared to look at death in the eye but if I did, I wouldn't lose hope - for my hope is built on things unseen -

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When Darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
supports me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found!
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand.

I’m still unsure of my tomorrow. Unsure of what is and what is to be - Unsure of life, uncertain of my future. But, my reality is in the fact that I know ‘Who’ holds tomorrow, and I know ‘Who’ holds my hand.

Many things about tomorrow, I still don’t seem to understand… But you know what? Now, it doesn't matter as much!

Twinkle! Twinkle!

"Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star. How I wonder what you are?"

She used to hate it when I sang this song to her and just coz she hated it, I sang it even more. Twinkle was one of those kids you'd call a 'Wise Crack'. Man! She was 5yrs old but she'd talk like a buddi amma. Always clad in a baniyan and a chaddi, she'd say she was no less than any of the boys in our church compound. She was fair and absolutely cute.

Today when I heard what had happened, I ran to church to see her. All I saw was her lifeless body, lying in a freezer box. I couldn't gather enough courage to walk up to her. How could I? When you say the name Twinkle, I can only think of this cheerful child, always running around, playing and giggling... mostly giggling and giggling over nothing. She would sit in the front row during Sunday School and dance to every song we sang. She didn't care about who was around her. But yea, she'd love to come and tattle tale about the boy next to her who wasn't doing any actions... I can still see her rapt attention when we did the famous 'zoo' skit in VBS. Her laughter still ringing in my ear. After every act, she would come up to me and laugh at the way I dressed or the way I acted... What I wouldn't give to hear her laugh again!

When I ran to church today, everyone thought Twinkle was my student in Sunday School - she wasn't. And the worst part, she never will. This academic year she'd be all of 6 and would have been in my class but I'll never know what it would feel like to have that little atom bomb.

There was this once when I was getting ready for a concert in church. Not finding any mirror, I went to car in the parking lot and looked in to the mirror while putting on my lipstick. And this little thing was standing in front of me, explaining to me in all profoundness, why it was good to put listick (as she called it) and how I should do it more often. She also explained to me, and mind you at that time she was all of 4, why an eyeliner pencil is not good, because it always made her eyes water. Then she noticed that I had put everything but didn't put 'poeder'. I told her I wasn't carrying any, and this little thing ran to her house, still clad in a baniyan and chaddi, and came back running with her fist tightly shut. She came up to me and opened her tiny palm - she brought me some 'poeder' to put on. The powder she brought probably would cover just one side of my cheek, but she was so proud of what she did. She protested when I kissed her and left my listick marks on her but then, she eventually gave up. I found great pleasure in irritating her coz when she got upset, her fair cheeks would go pink!!!

Twinkle is still one of the most precious children I've come across. It just breaks my heart to know her life was so short. Today as I stared at this sleeping child, I thought of all those children who walked in to my life over these past years, and I wish I could run to each one of them, give them a tight bear hug, give them a tight kiss leaving my 'listick' mark on them, and tell them I love them.

Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star!
How I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky!

Goodbye Twinkle, you'll always be a diamond in my heart. And tomorrow, when I don't see you in the front row in Sunday School, I'm going to miss you like crazy, knowing full well, I never will see you here again.

Even though I don't understand why this happened, I guess I don't have a choice but to say as Job did - "The Lord gave... and the Lord has taken away"

I'll miss you baby!!!

Holy Fool

The other night I read this awesome article called Holy Fools for my devotions (Our Daily Bread). And this particular verse caught my attention. It reads - When God spoke to Abram, he obeyed at once, departing for an unknown land based only on a promise. Childless, he trusted God to make of him “a great nation” (Genesis 12:2).

I love how the verse says that Abram departed, based only on a promise!!! I mean, WOW!!! And beat this, God told Abram he’d be a great nation, when he was 75yrs old and God fulfilled His promise when he was 100yrs old. Despite the fact that there was a difference of 25yrs between the promise and its fulfillment, Abram not once doubted! It’s just awesome! Plain awesome! That’s the only explanation!

Its so weird how in theory faith seems so “wow” but when exercised, we realize that our faith does not even amount to the size of a mustard seed! This Abram dude has officially become my whack-stick and my faith-hero! Hez super cool!

Just Realized...

I just realized that there is NOTHING I (we) can mess up in my (our) life that God cannot set right.I think I (we) can safely pride in our Lord's damage - control skills :)In Christ, its never an end ... Always a NEW BEGINNING!!!

Happy New Year! - Better late than never they say...

As I stand at the threshold of a brand new year, I am humbled as I reflect upon the year gone by. For me, 2009 has been more than trying – I’ve faced challenges I’d have never thought I’d meet but as I look back at the year, I’m grateful for the strength each of those challenges instilled in me. And forced me to lift up my head and keep my eyes on Christ Who to me, matters most.

I’m grateful for every single blessing I’ve received – Blessings so innumerable that even if I do try, I fail to name them all, but as I attempt to, leave me mesmerized and amazed at what the Lord has done.

I’m grateful for family, friends and loved ones… I’m grateful for friends who, even when deeply hurt, have learnt to move on in life… Grateful for those who dared to take that one step toward achieving their dreams… Grateful for friends who took that step of faith and ventured out, away from home, holding on to the surety of Christ’s everlasting presence with them.

I’m grateful for every fight, misunderstanding, showdown and embarrassment I’ve faced in 2009, as each of them convinced me toward improving myself.

I’m grateful for every promise given, fulfilled and yet to be fulfilled, both in my life and in the lives of my loved ones.

I’m grateful for God’s mercies which, as promised in the Bible, have been new EVERY morning. I’m grateful for His undying love and unconditional grace… Above all, I’m grateful for God’s great faithfulness in both my life and yours.

Happy New Year!

In Jesus I Am Complete

I read about this awesome guy today - His name is Nick Vujicic. If you ever get the time, you must look up his website: Life Without Limbs. His life and testimony reminded and encouraged me to hope in a power that transcends all comprehension. His life emulates and lives the kind of faith that our Bible talks about - a faith that can move mountains... A faith that is manifested only when you learn to trust like a child - For such is the Kingdom of Heaven!(Mark 10:14)

I always wondered why the Bible gave so much emphasis to a child... Did you realize that for everyone else in the Bible Jesus laid hands but children, He took in his "arms" (Mark 10:16). I now have learnt that the most remarkable thing about a child is in his unquestioning hope, trust and unfathomable joy in his father! The "father" figure means the WORLD to a child... My nephew Ankith, believes without doubt that his dad can do anything... believes that everything around him WILL submit to his father. That is what I suppose our 'Father' expects from us. It will not be a cake walk and He never said it would be - in fact, His Word declares that there will be a yoke but in Him, it will be easy - its our attitude toward our situation and our hope in our Lord for our circumstances that make our burdens light.

The life of Nick Vujicic helped me understand how being an adult, I can live the faith of a child. Here is a testimonial that I took from his website - this should say it all.

I Met a Man of God Today

I met a man of God today
born without hands or feet.
He stood on stubs and spoke of love,
“In Jesus, I’m complete.”

He said that it did not matter
what blemish we may bear,
that if our heart holds on to heaven
that Jesus we shall wear.

To show the world that there is hope
let’s shine the Light to all.
Regardless of our circumstance,
in Jesus, we’ll stand tall.

Without a hand he reached my heart,
encircling my soul;
without legs he walked toward me,
saying I can be made whole.

This man who lacks a full body
the Lord has given much,
for even in the darkest night
he knows the Father’s touch.
By: Nancy Hardy

My prayer this day is that each of us learns to handle our problems, our circumstances, our challenges and submit them to our Lord - for is anything too hard for the Lord? (Jeremiah 32: 27) If you and I find our life incomplete, I pray we are inspired from the fact that in Christ, we are made complete!

Amazing Love - How Can It Be???

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)

Struggling with my strongholds was now a daily affair … I got sick of myself because I had no one to talk to … nobody would address the issues I had. I couldn’t go back to God with the kind of guilt I held. I mean, what face did I have to go back to Him? Staying away from God’s Word kept me weak and lost. I hated myself … hated who I had become … I needed help! Where could I go???

Fighting my feelings of guilt and disgust, I closed my eyes and wept … I had to do something … didn’t know if I could run back to my Savior. All of a sudden I could hear someone snore. I looked around but was shocked to find myself in a place I had never been to before. I looked around and found 3 people fast asleep. Then I heard someone talking. When I went over to look, I found this man kneeling down and praying. He was saying something about a cup and “your will be done” and I couldn’t understand what was going on. There was something about him that was familiar but I didn’t seem to be able to put my finger on it. As I looked closely, I saw him crying. He was sweating blood! I got scared! I heard a lot of commotion. By the time I realized what had happened, I saw the soldiers take this man away. It was Jesus! Dear God, it was Jesus!!!

I was so scared. What was happening? Where was I? I was in the garden of Gethsemane. What on earth was I doing there??? I ran behind the soldiers but couldn’t catch up. I looked for a place to stay that night and found some people sit around a fire. I heard them say that “Jesus” was under trial the next day. I had to go … I had to see what was going on.

I found my way to the palace but it was too late … I heard the crowds scream – “Crucify him! Crucify him!” – Dear God don’t let this happen I prayed but in a flash, the soldiers took my Lord away. I ran after them…

They tied my Lord to a pole and tore His clothes off. “No!” I screamed. But nobody heard me. They laughed at him and said mean things … one guy even spat on Jesus’ face. Why was He keeping quiet? Why couldn’t He snap back? Then I saw the most horrible looking man come forward and put on His head, what seemed like a crown of thorns. He put it on His head and pressed it down hard. Blood began to flow. One drop at a time and my Lord’s face was covered with blood. I had to do something … But what could I???

They dragged my Lord and took Him out in to the open for all the people to see. Another soldier came forward and he had a very weird looking whip with him. There was a lead ball with a really sharp hook to it. Before I could wonder what he intended to do with it, I saw him thrash my God with it. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” I heard Him scream! He thrashed Him again! “Aaaaaaaaaa…” This time, I saw pieces of flesh stripped off His body. “Leave Him alone! Oh please leave Him alone” I began to cry. No one heard me. I begged for someone to help but no one came forward. The guys who were with Him the previous night refused to recognize Him. How could this be? “Leave Him alone” I cried again. But there was only one person who took notice of me. His eyes locked with mine, and while the soldier continued to tear the flesh off my Lord, He looked at me and smiled!

What had I done? I realized that should’ve been me…. Not Him! Christ was innocent … it should’ve been me!!! Battered and weak my Lord had to pick up the cross. It seemed like it weighed a ton. I ran to Him and cried “stop it Jesus. I’m sorry … just stop it”. He put the cross down for a brief moment, brought my head to His chest and said “shhhhh… it’ll be alright”. A soldier came and dragged me away while flogging my Lord again. “Leave Him please, He’s doing this for me” I said. But no one bothered.

I couldn’t watch any more. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” I heard Him scream louder. “Aaaaaa” I heard Him again. They nailed Him … they nailed my Lord to the cross!!! As they raised the cross to position, a soldier lost balance and the cross came crashing down, with my Lord flat on His face. “Jesus!!!!!!” I shouted. “Father, help me” I heard Him say. But no aid came to Him. When the cross was finally in place, it seemed like Jesus was struggling to even breathe. How could He? Every drop was His blood was already shed. I knew He was in pain but I could do nothing. “Forgive them” I heard Him say. How could He even say that? “My Lord, my Lord, why have You forsaken me?” I heard Him shout out to heaven. And then I knew it was time. One last drop of blood flew to the ground as I heard Him commit His spirit to the Father. The sky turned dark … it was as if the sun turned its face away. “My Jesus is dead”. I started weeping and crying. That should’ve been me! That should’ve been me! I kept holding on to my strongholds and refused to repent. My sin had to be punished but my Lord took it on to Himself. What had I done??? What had I done??? It should’ve been me!!!

I should’ve been crucified! He took my place!!!

There was pin drop silence; No one around except two guards. A BIG stone covered the tomb. Three days had passed since my Lord was laid in there. I just sat outside not knowing what to do. Suddenly I saw a bright shining light radiating from the tomb. What was happening? I ran up to see that the stone was rolled away and my Lord walked out. He is Risen!

I ran to Him and He took me in His arms! I said “Jesus I’m sorry for all I have done”. He said, “That’s ok sweety! It is over now! You are mine!” Here I stood, gazing at the man Who loved me beyond comprehension! “How could You do this Jesus? How could You die in my place? I should’ve been crucified” I said. He looked at me with love and compassion in His eyes and said, “I know that is why I took your place. You are mine. Nothing can separate us now”. “Didn’t you get scared? How could you go through the cross?” I asked Him. “Simple” He said smiling at me, “Above all, I thought of you!!!”

While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me and that is reason enough for me to live.

I woke up with a start. It all seemed so real.

I knelt down before the Lord and said, “Jesus, I am Yours!”

Dream or no dream I’ll never know. But one thing is for sure. After what He did for me, nothing can separate me from His love now. As I agreed to surrender myself to Him that day, He agreed to hold my hand and break all of my strongholds and baggage away!

I should have been crucified
I should have suffered and died
I should have hung on the cross in disgrace
But Jesus, God's Son, took my place

By Faith

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would LATER receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going (Hebrews 11:8)

This verse made me look back in to my own life …How I keep doubting in my Lord’s plans for me just because they are not immediate … Did He not say – “Blessed are those who do not see, yet believe”???

There are so many times in our lives when we want, what we want, when we want it … talk about being spoilt … but it most often than not does not happen that way. We have our plans and our own goals to reach but they do not always materialize. Does this mean we’re losers? Does it mean we don’t have it in us to accomplish what we have set ahead of ourselves? Does it mean God doesn’t care??? Heck No!!!   

Our God cares so much for us that He agreed to go through 33yrs of His life, knowing full well that His destiny was on the cross of Calvary so that you and I could look forward to a life with Him in Paradise. Most of us brush away His sacrifice thinking to ourselves – okay He died … hey He is God isn’t He … He could do it.  But dear friends, the fact will remain that Christ was completely God and completely man! It wasn’t easy for Him to endure the cross … especially knowing how horrendous it would be! Just thinking about it freaks me out … and to think that my Lord chose to do it for me. The Bible (NIV) records that just before He was arrested, Christ fell to the ground and asked God to take this cup (death on the cross) away from Him … yet prayed that it be not His own will but the will of God alone. The cross wasn’t easy for Him. And when we as Christians are asked to deny ourselves and bear our cross (Matt 16:24), what makes you think its going to be a cake walk? Understand this friends, things do not always go our way and most often than not, they will not. But the fact will always remain that when we walk in His strength, you will indeed see that His yoke is easy and His burden light (Matt 11:30)

Over the years, I have learnt and understood that it is when I, like Abraham trust God intoto, that my faith is manifested in to my miracle!

The fact remains - We have our hope, our future and our security in Christ alone!!! :D

 

You Are My Friends

I no longer call you servants Instead, I have called you friends …
- John 15:15
Not too long ago, I found myself constantly down in the dumps. I wanted to scream, shout, cry! I was so irritable that I could just bite. I so badly needed someone to talk to but found no one around! For the first time in my life, I was alone – all alone!!! I felt lost, empty and confused. I was so not living the life of a 22yr old … I probably was the only one my age who’s life revolved around work and work and oh, did I mention work??? I had no social life … to be honest I felt I had no life at all! I felt like a total loser! How did things change so much???

I couldn’t believe myself – A happy-go-lucky girl like me was friendless! Ever since Tripthi left for Muscat, I could not strike the same comfort level with anyone. The only two other really close friends I had were perpetually busy with work or with their girlfriends. I tried my best to keep in touch with all my friends and be a good a friend but then I began to wonder – may be I’m just butting in to these guys’ life. I mean, if they really cared about me, they’d make an attempt to make me feel wanted … I had now reached a point where I myself didn’t want to keep in touch with anyone – I mean, where were they when I really needed them???

These feelings of bitterness and complete loneliness got to me so badly that I was diagnosed with clinical depression! In fact the doctor even felt I should be put on medication – antidepressants. This came as a rude shock to me. For those of you who know me, you’d understand why I was taken aback when I was diagnosed with depression …

It was at that time that I did a reality check. Where was I? What was I doing? Had a totally forgotten Who really matters??? – I indeed had! At that point of time, I decided to run in to the arms of my Best Friend – Jesus Christ. How could I have forgotten what He said – “I have called you friend” … I had Jesus by my side all along and look at me wallowing in self-pity. It took a while but I began to understand Who really matters and to Whom I really matter!

What a friend we have in Jesus, All our sins and grief to bear, What a privilege to carry everything to the Lord in prayer!!!

2008 has finally gone by!

For some of us the year gone by has been a year of trials and for some of us, a year of great blessing. But as we walk through the New Year 2009, let's remember that God has a special and NEW mercy for us EVERY morning!

I believe its okay to stumble and slide in our walk with the Lord coz if we didn't we'd no longer be human! However, the important thing is to know for a fact that God is STILL working on us and as long as we let Him, every time we slip and fall, He'll pull us right back up - close to His heart - right where we belong!

In The Beginning ...

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ... so beging Genesis chapter 1, a chapter we've read and read and read hundreds of times! At least, I've read this chapter several times. But the other day, as I asked the Lord to 'open eyes that I might see great and wonderful things in His law', He unfolded this gift of creation, in a way I've never known before.

As I read through these verses, I had a whole new perspective on creation. I learnt that while creating the heavens and the earth, the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea, the plants, the towering mountains, the gorgeous sceneries, the Lord just spoke the Word and everything came in to existence. He said, "Let there be light" and the Bible records, "there was light" - He said it and it was done. But, when it came to you and me … when it came to creating us, He created us in His own image. The hands that bore the nails on the cross, were the hands that created all that I am. In our case, He didn't just say the word and bring us into existence. Rather, He took time to "make" you and me.

As I read this chapter, I imagined every scene … I watched the Lord kneel on the ground, He put his hands in the mud wondering where to start because you and I had to be perfect! As I watched, I could see the delight and glee in His eyes as He carefully formed my body. With mud smudged on His brow, His dress all messed up, He carved my eyes, ears, mouth and lips to perfection. Once I was finished, He smiled, brought me really close to Himself and breathed me in to life. When you and I call out – "Our Father" – We are actually calling out the 'Creator' of the heavens and the earth … The fact is that the Lord of the earth is the very God Who made all that I am!

One quote that came to my mind as I realized with what love and delight the Lord created me is as follows -"I am so grateful for this picture of the Creator God – Elohim – Who bends to the lowest point of creation – the dust – that I might rise to the highest intention of the universe and have a relationship with the Deity" – Selwyn Hughes

I'm privileged to be a child of the most high God!!! – Are you?

Soar Like An Eagle

Isaiah 40:31 says - They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not be faint.

This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It assures me of the fact that no matter how weak I get, my God is always by my side to renew my strength. But then, I often wondered why the Word had to use the illustration of an eagle. I mean, what's the connection between the 'renewal of strength' and the 'eagle'???

Actually one of my friends answered this question … just a part of it to be precise … she said that after a certain point in its life, an eagle goes to the top of a very high mountain and sheds all its feathers and gets new ones … there by referring to the renewal of strength.

Although this was good enough, I wasn't very convinced … I ran a search on the eagle and what I found was quite interesting. The eagle, a bird that is so strong and majestic, a bird which has the power to spot its prey from a great height and has the nack of being able to tear it apart in a second, actually comes to a point where it just waits ... waits for something to happen …

Most of us are like that eagle … we are strong in spirituality and pretty majestic in faith but then there is a time when we reach a point where we just stand still ... we are uncertain of where to go next … but then the Word of God tells us that in times like these, we need to be still and know that He is God. We need to 'wait upon the Lord'.

After the eagle reaches that point, it flies up to a mountain peak and 'waits' … while it waits, the eagle begins to shed its feathers starting from the head and going downwards … it takes almost six months for the eagle to get its new set of feathers … and all through this time, the eagle 'Waits'.

I felt that this really made sense with respect to you and I as children of God. When we've reached that point where we have no idea as to where we're heading, it is then that we need to 'wait' … wait on the Lord … wait for Him to do something and He will … He will renew us, starting from the head - that is the renewal of the mind … then going downwards to the renewal of your body - that is the renewal of your 'self'... the renewal of 'who you are'.

It takes about 6 months for the eagle to completely renew its strength … it gets renewed step-by-step, in stages, over a period of time.
When we wait on the Lord, we too renew our strength but one step at a time; in stages … probably that's why the term 'wait' …

Once the eagle renews its strength, there is no looking back for it … it soars higher up in the sky and is more accurate when it comes to catching its prey. It flies with a greater zest and does not tire easily!

So, if you are waiting on the Lord, know for a fact that when you find yourself at the edge of the cliff, only one of two things can happen – God will either catch you when you fall OR He will teach you to fly. Get ready to soar my friend for 'they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not be faint!!!'