Even In My Darkest Hour

The other day my 3yr old nephew Anand was making a fuss – he wanted to go out. Unable to bear his tantrum, I took him out. I was taking him to the terrace and all along, he didn't want to hold my hand. I forcefully held it but he somehow wriggled out and kept walking ahead, holding on to the staircase railing and at times to nothing at all.

As I walked up the staircase, all of a sudden, I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life – I realized then that we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible… he just didn't want to let go – period!It was at that point that I felt God speak to me… He showed me the reason He allowed me to walk through darkness – so I would learn to hold on to Him…

Micah 7:8b – Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Here Today; Gone Tomorrow

March 4, 2010:

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes ~ James 4:14

I was so excited this morning – my first ever air show! I looked at the pass like a zillion times… Charged my camera all night long coz I didn’t want to miss any pictures. Morning seemed to take forever. I woke up – took flat 30mins to get dressed and out of the house. I rushed my way through the security check, holding on to my pass for dear life.

So many planes – WOW! I felt insignificant around them.

The show started… Fighter planes zipping by… Two planes from the right, two from the left came close to each other and made a split – two took the U to the left but only one took the U to the right… What happened? Where’d the 4th flight go? It swirled in the sky for a few seconds – what a cool stunt I thought. Little did I know, that was no stunt – that was the pilot’s struggle between life and death. I watched in horror as the fighter plane crashed in to a building – a loud blast and the plane was consumed in flames. Thick dark smoke. We saw one pilot eject himself – parachute up in the sky. Was he safe? The darn thing didn’t open – he hit hard ground and died.

It all seemed so weird. A split second ago, pilots Commander S. K. Maurya and Lt. Commander Rahul Nair were up in the sky; probably even imagining the excitement of their audiences. The next thing they know, the flight goes out of control. The same flight that took them zooming in the sky, brought them crashing down to rock bottom.

All this made me wonder – what would have been going through their minds? I agree that there were others injured in the mishap. But, isn’t not anticipating injury and getting injured so much easier than, staring at the choice between life and death, knowing fully well that they would both result in death alone? Imagine their hopelessness!

Gosh! Itz all so scary!

All the hopes and plans that Maurya and Rahul made for today, for tomorrow, for their lives ahead, all vanished in a split second. I understood at that point what James (in the Bible) meant when he compared life to a vapor – here today, gone tomorrow.

Maurya and Rahul would’ve practiced their acts zillions of times – they trusted their equipment. They knew their planes would pull this act off today as well… What happened? All that they hoped in, gave way to a crash landing.

I ask myself today, where is my hope and my security built? On the equipment I use? On my job? My family? My friends? On my possessions? … whatz the point of figuring it all out and then realizing that my only hope gives way?

At that point, I remembered a very old hymn that I learnt. It was a reality check to see where I stand… Actually a check on where my hope stands… It made me realize that I still may be shit scared to look at death in the eye but if I did, I wouldn't lose hope - for my hope is built on things unseen -

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When Darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
supports me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found!
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand.

I’m still unsure of my tomorrow. Unsure of what is and what is to be - Unsure of life, uncertain of my future. But, my reality is in the fact that I know ‘Who’ holds tomorrow, and I know ‘Who’ holds my hand.

Many things about tomorrow, I still don’t seem to understand… But you know what? Now, it doesn't matter as much!

Twinkle! Twinkle!

"Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star. How I wonder what you are?"

She used to hate it when I sang this song to her and just coz she hated it, I sang it even more. Twinkle was one of those kids you'd call a 'Wise Crack'. Man! She was 5yrs old but she'd talk like a buddi amma. Always clad in a baniyan and a chaddi, she'd say she was no less than any of the boys in our church compound. She was fair and absolutely cute.

Today when I heard what had happened, I ran to church to see her. All I saw was her lifeless body, lying in a freezer box. I couldn't gather enough courage to walk up to her. How could I? When you say the name Twinkle, I can only think of this cheerful child, always running around, playing and giggling... mostly giggling and giggling over nothing. She would sit in the front row during Sunday School and dance to every song we sang. She didn't care about who was around her. But yea, she'd love to come and tattle tale about the boy next to her who wasn't doing any actions... I can still see her rapt attention when we did the famous 'zoo' skit in VBS. Her laughter still ringing in my ear. After every act, she would come up to me and laugh at the way I dressed or the way I acted... What I wouldn't give to hear her laugh again!

When I ran to church today, everyone thought Twinkle was my student in Sunday School - she wasn't. And the worst part, she never will. This academic year she'd be all of 6 and would have been in my class but I'll never know what it would feel like to have that little atom bomb.

There was this once when I was getting ready for a concert in church. Not finding any mirror, I went to car in the parking lot and looked in to the mirror while putting on my lipstick. And this little thing was standing in front of me, explaining to me in all profoundness, why it was good to put listick (as she called it) and how I should do it more often. She also explained to me, and mind you at that time she was all of 4, why an eyeliner pencil is not good, because it always made her eyes water. Then she noticed that I had put everything but didn't put 'poeder'. I told her I wasn't carrying any, and this little thing ran to her house, still clad in a baniyan and chaddi, and came back running with her fist tightly shut. She came up to me and opened her tiny palm - she brought me some 'poeder' to put on. The powder she brought probably would cover just one side of my cheek, but she was so proud of what she did. She protested when I kissed her and left my listick marks on her but then, she eventually gave up. I found great pleasure in irritating her coz when she got upset, her fair cheeks would go pink!!!

Twinkle is still one of the most precious children I've come across. It just breaks my heart to know her life was so short. Today as I stared at this sleeping child, I thought of all those children who walked in to my life over these past years, and I wish I could run to each one of them, give them a tight bear hug, give them a tight kiss leaving my 'listick' mark on them, and tell them I love them.

Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star!
How I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky!

Goodbye Twinkle, you'll always be a diamond in my heart. And tomorrow, when I don't see you in the front row in Sunday School, I'm going to miss you like crazy, knowing full well, I never will see you here again.

Even though I don't understand why this happened, I guess I don't have a choice but to say as Job did - "The Lord gave... and the Lord has taken away"

I'll miss you baby!!!

Holy Fool

The other night I read this awesome article called Holy Fools for my devotions (Our Daily Bread). And this particular verse caught my attention. It reads - When God spoke to Abram, he obeyed at once, departing for an unknown land based only on a promise. Childless, he trusted God to make of him “a great nation” (Genesis 12:2).

I love how the verse says that Abram departed, based only on a promise!!! I mean, WOW!!! And beat this, God told Abram he’d be a great nation, when he was 75yrs old and God fulfilled His promise when he was 100yrs old. Despite the fact that there was a difference of 25yrs between the promise and its fulfillment, Abram not once doubted! It’s just awesome! Plain awesome! That’s the only explanation!

Its so weird how in theory faith seems so “wow” but when exercised, we realize that our faith does not even amount to the size of a mustard seed! This Abram dude has officially become my whack-stick and my faith-hero! Hez super cool!

Just Realized...

I just realized that there is NOTHING I (we) can mess up in my (our) life that God cannot set right.I think I (we) can safely pride in our Lord's damage - control skills :)In Christ, its never an end ... Always a NEW BEGINNING!!!

Happy New Year! - Better late than never they say...

As I stand at the threshold of a brand new year, I am humbled as I reflect upon the year gone by. For me, 2009 has been more than trying – I’ve faced challenges I’d have never thought I’d meet but as I look back at the year, I’m grateful for the strength each of those challenges instilled in me. And forced me to lift up my head and keep my eyes on Christ Who to me, matters most.

I’m grateful for every single blessing I’ve received – Blessings so innumerable that even if I do try, I fail to name them all, but as I attempt to, leave me mesmerized and amazed at what the Lord has done.

I’m grateful for family, friends and loved ones… I’m grateful for friends who, even when deeply hurt, have learnt to move on in life… Grateful for those who dared to take that one step toward achieving their dreams… Grateful for friends who took that step of faith and ventured out, away from home, holding on to the surety of Christ’s everlasting presence with them.

I’m grateful for every fight, misunderstanding, showdown and embarrassment I’ve faced in 2009, as each of them convinced me toward improving myself.

I’m grateful for every promise given, fulfilled and yet to be fulfilled, both in my life and in the lives of my loved ones.

I’m grateful for God’s mercies which, as promised in the Bible, have been new EVERY morning. I’m grateful for His undying love and unconditional grace… Above all, I’m grateful for God’s great faithfulness in both my life and yours.

Happy New Year!

In Jesus I Am Complete

I read about this awesome guy today - His name is Nick Vujicic. If you ever get the time, you must look up his website: Life Without Limbs. His life and testimony reminded and encouraged me to hope in a power that transcends all comprehension. His life emulates and lives the kind of faith that our Bible talks about - a faith that can move mountains... A faith that is manifested only when you learn to trust like a child - For such is the Kingdom of Heaven!(Mark 10:14)

I always wondered why the Bible gave so much emphasis to a child... Did you realize that for everyone else in the Bible Jesus laid hands but children, He took in his "arms" (Mark 10:16). I now have learnt that the most remarkable thing about a child is in his unquestioning hope, trust and unfathomable joy in his father! The "father" figure means the WORLD to a child... My nephew Ankith, believes without doubt that his dad can do anything... believes that everything around him WILL submit to his father. That is what I suppose our 'Father' expects from us. It will not be a cake walk and He never said it would be - in fact, His Word declares that there will be a yoke but in Him, it will be easy - its our attitude toward our situation and our hope in our Lord for our circumstances that make our burdens light.

The life of Nick Vujicic helped me understand how being an adult, I can live the faith of a child. Here is a testimonial that I took from his website - this should say it all.

I Met a Man of God Today

I met a man of God today
born without hands or feet.
He stood on stubs and spoke of love,
“In Jesus, I’m complete.”

He said that it did not matter
what blemish we may bear,
that if our heart holds on to heaven
that Jesus we shall wear.

To show the world that there is hope
let’s shine the Light to all.
Regardless of our circumstance,
in Jesus, we’ll stand tall.

Without a hand he reached my heart,
encircling my soul;
without legs he walked toward me,
saying I can be made whole.

This man who lacks a full body
the Lord has given much,
for even in the darkest night
he knows the Father’s touch.
By: Nancy Hardy

My prayer this day is that each of us learns to handle our problems, our circumstances, our challenges and submit them to our Lord - for is anything too hard for the Lord? (Jeremiah 32: 27) If you and I find our life incomplete, I pray we are inspired from the fact that in Christ, we are made complete!