Grace? No Thank You! (John 8: 1-11)

My sin had found me! I knew it would come out in the open sooner or later. I knew what I was doing. I knew the consequences but I did it anyway. I was caught in the very act and I was dragged outside. In all my shame, I was flung in to the open for the world to see – my mask was removed. Family, friends, church members, Sunday school kids, all with a stone in their hands – “Hypocrite” they called me. “Stone her! She deserves to die!” they shouted. 

My sin had finally found me. 

And there I was, flung before my Lord in all my nakedness and disgrace. He saw me as I was – me at my ugliest! I sat there with my head in my hands, covering my face. How could I show my face to Him? The Creator of the universe was watching me right now, completely defiled and undeserving of mercy. I was ashamed! Humiliated! Insulted! Rejected! Condemned! – And I deserved every bit of it.

I was scared now, waiting for the first stone to be hurled at me. But instead, I saw the Son of Man, kneel down next to me. He wrote something on the ground. I was too petrified to look. He spoke something but I was too ashamed to listen. And suddenly, I felt Him touch my ugly face with His warm hands. “Look at me” He said. “Is there anyone here who condemns you?” The world around me went strangely dim. All I could see was the face of the Son of God. I looked around and no one was there but Jesus alone. “No sir” I said. I couldn’t even take His name on my lips. I stared at the ground, tears flowing down my face. I was tired. I gave up. I was just waiting for Him to condemn me, turn His back on me, and then stone me to death. I deserved it. 

But I was wrong! The epitome of holiness smiled at me as He said, “Neither do I condemn you.”

Wait, what did He say? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Surely He didn’t say that He didn’t condemn me! Surely the Son of God was the only One Who could stone me! Surely I didn’t hear it right! I asked Him again, “What did You say my Lord?” Only this time, I was smiling from ear to ear. And the Son of Man bent down, took off His own cloak and put it on to me, covering me as He smiled and said, “Go and sin no more!” 

I couldn’t believe it! He really didn’t condemn me! What kind of Man was He?!!!

As He covered me and I began to embrace His grace, I suddenly became all too aware of my nakedness. My shame was overbearing. I looked around and the crowd seemed to have returned, each with a stone in their hands, waiting to hurl it at me. I stood up in fear, as I recognized every face… these people.... this crowd – they were all me! My own righteousness had found me! 

I got scared. I threw the cloak Jesus put on me. “I don’t deserve Your grace Lord” I shouted as I ran! I ran away from Him as fast as I could and in to the closed doors of what I thought was my safe haven. I could still hear the crowd behind me, throwing stones at my door. I shut my ears but I could still hear them. Different aspects of my own self mocking me - the worship leader, the Sunday school teacher, the Christian blogger - every single one of them reminding of how rotten a sinner I was. All my righteousness was here... all the roles that I was proud to play, now condemning me and putting me to shame. I felt dirty all over again. 

I now sit in a corner, tears rolling down my face, my head hanging in shame and knees clenched close to my chest as I look at what I’d become. When would this stop? When would I be rid of this condemnation? When would I stop running? I had become ... a wretch! That’s the only word I could think of. How did things go so bad? I keep running and running and running and nobody sees my struggle. I keep making a mockery of God’s love and grace. I’m running from my sin, and I’m running from grace, knowing full well that my fight is in vain. But I don’t see a choice. I have to struggle. My struggle bears no fruit. My sin kills my conscience and wins over my soul and I have nothing to say about it. Nothing to say to it, but to run all over again. And now I’m tired.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize the sudden silence that surrounded me! Where did everyone go? As I stepped out to see what was going on, I saw darkness fill the sky as I heard a voice shout out to the heavens, “Forgive them Lord.” Forgive them? “It is finished!” No! This can’t be true! As I saw my Lord’s lifeless, blood strewn body hanging on the cross, I began to realize the magnitude of what had happened. I should have been hanging on that tree. I should have been stripped and flogged and battered for the sins I had committed. But instead, this Man who knew no sin, died in my place. I shut my eyes tight, processing this realization, and truly understanding, that because of what He did, I am FREE! As I finally accepted the gift He had given, I forgave myself, and with that forgiveness and acceptance, came a peace that transcends all understanding. Did I deserve this grace? No! Did that stop Him from giving it? No. Am I grateful? - A resounding YES!

Life is when you realize that Christ, knowing full well that we would constantly doubt His love and grace, keep turning back and shoving Him off the throne of our lives, died and rose again nonetheless, and if needed, would do it all over again without so much as batting an eyelid

But here is how God has shown his love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

~ Romans 5:8

Burdens light?

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11: 28-30

So today was one of those days when just waking up was a task! I was lazy and tired and still had so much to do. I dragged myself out of bed, fake excited that it was the weekend. I did my chores - cooked, cleaned, washed clothes. I glared at my watch - stupid time was not headed anywhere! I was feeling so lousy! After finishing my chores and whiling away as much time as I could, I decided to go for a walk. To make my walk more productive, I decided I’d walk down to Walmart and do some grocery shopping. So I wore an empty backpack and set out on my journey.

As I walked on the streets of Lynchburg, I looked around, enjoyed every bit of the changing colors of the Fall leaves, the cool breeze on my face, and the excruciating pain of a good workout! But there was one thing that made me feel very uncomfortable! The stupid empty backpack just didn’t seem right! And I thought to myself, if this is the case with an empty backpack, what am I going to do when I have the groceries in and I need to walk back home? Ugh! I brought this on myself, I had to do it. 

I reached Walmart, bought the stuff I needed, filled my backpack and began the dreaded journey back home. You know what though? The journey wasn’t stressful at all. I found that the weight in my bag ensured I was balanced and I could walk with ease.

As I thought about what I just learnt, I had a whole new perspective of what the Lord means when He says in His word, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” So often we crib and cry over the  burdens we bear, the baggage we carry along life’s journey and we shout out and ask, “Why Lord? Why?”, does it ever occur to us that it probably is so we have balance in our lives; so the journey would in fact be comfortable? I noticed that as I carried my heavy bag, the weight didn’t bog me down. It was just right. What it did do was help me get a better work out. Have we considered that’s exactly what our burdens do to our faith? How else do we move from being ‘lukewarm’ to being on ‘fire’? 

The truth is, God’s never going to give us more than we can bear. Not one bit more. If you’re burdened, it’s because you have the strength to deal with it. God’s got that confidence in us. How and why? I’ll never know! But this I know, when I’m weary and feel beaten down by life’s burdens, God says, “come to me, I will give you rest” and that’s exactly what I plan to do!

image copyrights: Skit Guys

Where is Faith?

I was reading the story of David and Goliath. It’s a story I've read and taught a zillion times. It’s the same old, same old – David sees the giant, he picks five stones, he flings one stone at Goliath and the giant came tumbling down. The end.

Only this time when I read it, I looked a bit deeper in to the story. I began questioning the story – David had faith. He knew that the battle belonged to the Lord. He had faith. Faith enough to walk up to a 10 foot giant without an armor. And everybody who tells this story focuses on just that. Could we, for but one moment think about why David picked FIVE stones? He knew God was on his side. He knew he’d kill the giant. He knew it. So with confidence, he bent down and picked up one stone. He turns to walk away to face the giant. Suddenly he stops. Thinks for a bit – what if one stone is not enough? What if he needs to fling another stone? What if he needs to fling more than just two stones? What if that doesn't kill the giant? And he bends down and picks FIVE stones. And it makes me think – David needed just one stone. David wanted just one stone. So were the other FOUR stones his back up if things didn't go the way they were meant to? If the answer is yes, then where is faith?

And I look in to my own life and look at the giants that stand before me – giants of uncertainty, giants of fear – and I look around at what I want. I look around for what I need. And instead of picking up just one stone… the one stone that will put my giant to rest, I look around. I look for a way out. I look for ‘options’. What if things don’t go the way they’re supposed to? What if….? And I go looking for more stones. I have a backup plan.  And I ask myself – where is faith?

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for  and assurance about what we do not see” ~ Hebrews 11:1

Faith – It has no backup plans!

In Control? Really?

Chaos! Chaos everywhere! Is there an end to all the innocent blood that is being shed? The Bible did predict this hundreds of years ago – “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars … Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places (Matt 24:6-7)” – but it still is disheartening, discouraging and scary!

As I read the news about the Mumbai blasts today, I couldn’t help but wonder – Is God even watching all of this? Does He even care?

As a by-stander, a third person, I can safely say that the Lord is sovereign, He knows all things, etc., etc., the typical Christian outlook on things. But then I wonder, what about the people in the heart of this situation? What about the people who are injured and struggling between life and death in the hospital – would they think God is control? What about those whose bodies have been shred to pieces – would their families think God is in control? What about the wife who didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her husband – would she think God is in control? What about the little boy who will never see his mom again – would he think God is in control? What about the father who is mourning the loss of his child – would he think God is in control? What about those who witnessed the blast, witnessed the loss of innocent blood, witnessed people being burnt, body parts flinging across the skies – would they think God is in control? What about the man who lost his arm, the woman who has to live without legs her entire life? What about the bride-to-be whose entire body is now scarred and face disfigured – would she think God is in control?

And as I sat back in reflection, I looked up and asked, “Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And then, all of a sudden I felt something wet trickle down beside me – blood! Lots of it! I screamed! I got scared! It wasn’t my blood. Someone else was hurt and they were hurt real bad. I ran around looking for them. I stepped on something – it was a piece of flesh. I got even more scared! Was I at the scene of the bomb blast? I panicked. I looked around again. I ran. I bumped in to the tree. When I fell down, I saw another chunk of flesh! Wait! This didn’t seem like the effect of a blast. It seemed more like the flesh that was ripped off of someone’s body. Ewww!!! Who would do something like that?!!! I followed the blood trail as it led me up a hill top. The amount of blood I saw made me ask this question – after all this, does the person hurt,  even have a drop of blood remaining in his body?. I looked up at this man, completely bruised, blood all over his body, his face and body disfigured by what seemed like injuries made by a whip. The soldier stabbed the man in his side with a spear, and I had the answer to my question – there was indeed no more blood left in his body. Only serum oozed out. Every single drop of blood was shed. I watched this man, beaten, flogged, injured, disfigured beyond recognition. As darkness spread across the skies, I watched his body slump against the rugged cross. I watched the woman at his feet, weeping the loss of her son. I watched the expression of his friends who watched his horrific death. I watched as his father ran his fingers over his torn body. I watched as the soldiers got him off the cross. I watched as his parents went hysterical over their son’s lifeless body. I watched as his heavenly Father turned His face away. I watched as the innocent lamb was slain. I watched as the perfect sacrifice was made. I watched as the ransom was paid. I listened as I recollected what he’d said – “Father, in to Your hands I commit my spirit. It is finished!”

I shut my eyes at the revelation. Unshed tears now flowing down, as I reflected on the questions I raised just a few minutes ago, to the One Who I thought had distanced Himself from the suffering and injustice in this world. 

“Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And Jesus stretched out His nail pierced hands and said, “I know how it feels. I understand”

I knew then – I don’t have to wonder if God is still in control. He is. He sees. He knows. But He ain’t sitting with His arms folded – “The day is coming when the wicked will be judged, and justice will be served - For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace; and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze,” says the LORD of hosts (Malachi 4:1)

Until then,

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name!

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!

The Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him!

From Lent to Easter

So for this edition of our newsletter, my colleague asked me if I could write her an article on what lent is. Obviously, I was thinking too highly of my writing skills when I agreed, only to realize that I was depending on skills I didn’t have (Sigh!). Her deadline for me was Tuesday, April 5 and since I am at times a big believer of ‘what can be done tomorrow should only be done tomorrow’, I thought I’d wait for the long Ugadi weekend to put in to words.

As luck would have it, I didn’t quite have a free weekend. In fact, I was travelling to Vizag to attend a program. Since it was the weekend and the World Cup fever was on (India won! India won! Woohooo!!!!), my evenings were pretty much free. I walked up to the beach and was in awe of the ocean – it's magnificence, it's strength, the power it held to draw me and gobble me up in no time, the humility it showed in gently caressing my feet as it washed across the shore, and the uncanny sense of peace and calm it emits. As I watched the waves trickling to my feet, I looked around and saw the rocks that kept the waves from reaching me with zest. I got a little annoyed but stepped a bit further in to the ocean and while doing so, couldn’t help but wonder why people thought the ocean was hypnotic. And, then, I suddenly realized what they meant – I found myself, face to face with this huge wave that was rushing towards me and I could for that moment, understand what all those people felt when they saw the tsunami gush their way – okay the wave that came toward me was not as big as a tsunami wave but the fear it generated was all the same. What I didn’t realize was that while I was lost in the beauty of the ocean, the sand beneath my feet slipped away and drew me in. I shut my eyes and hoped I wouldn’t die. But to my surprise and great relief (believe you me!), the wave that hit me was not as powerful as I anticipated it to be. As I looked around, I realized that the intensity with which the wave came didn’t change. What made the difference was what was between the wave and me – a rock!

I thought of what just happened. The rock that stood before me as a hurdle was something that I was now grateful for. I realized how true that sentiment held to life itself. I realized that each of us, in our own way, crib and cry about rocks that come in our way. But what we fail to realize is that they’re probably the only things that are keeping the storm at bay. Thrilled at my insight, I walked back to the shore and realized that what I’d learnt was exactly what Lent was about – a time of reflection on the cross of Christ – the cross that even today, stands between my sin and me. The only difference between the rock in the ocean and the cross of Christ, is that though the wave hit the rock, the water was still there. But when my sin met the cross, it was like my sin never existed in the first place.

Good Friday is a day that commemorates Christ’s death on the cross, as a full and complete sacrifice for the sin of all mankind, breaking the barrier between God and man, demonstrating the greatest expression of love. And, Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ, as a victory over sin and death, a reminder that all things do work out for good, that good will reign over evil, that life will reign over death.

If today, you feel like there is a lot happening in your life and the burden of it all is too much to bear, don’t lose hope. If the night is here, then the dawn isn’t too far away. If Good Friday is here, then Easter is sure to come.

Is This Love?

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ... so begins Genesis chapter 1, a chapter we've read and read and read hundreds of times! At least, I've read this chapter several times. But the other day, as I asked the Lord to 'open eyes that I might see great and wonderful things in His law', He unfolded this gift of creation, in a way I've neverknown before.

As I read through these verses, I had a whole new perspective on creation. I learnt that while creating the heavens and the earth, the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea, the plants, the towering mountains, the gorgeous sceneries, the Lord just spoke the Word and everything came in to existence. He said, "Let there be light" and the Bible records, "there was light" - He said it and it was done. But, when it came to you and me … when it came to creating us, He created us in His own image. The hands that bore the nails on the cross, were the hands that created all that I am. In our case, He didn't just say the word and bring us into existence. Rather, He took time to "make" you and me.

As I read this chapter, I imagined every scene … I watched the Lord kneel on the ground, He put his hands in the mud wondering where to start because you and I had to be perfect! As I watched, I could see the delight and glee in His eyes as He carefully formed my body. With mud smudged on His brow, His dress all messed up, He carved my eyes, ears, mouth and lips to perfection. Once I was finished, He smiled, brought me really close to Himself and breathed me in to life. When you and I call out – "Our Father" – We are actually calling out to the 'Creator' of the heavens and the earth … The fact is that the Lord of the earth is the very God Who made all that I am!... And God saw all that He had created and it was good.

One quote that came to my mind as I realized with what love and delight the Lord created me is as follows -"I am so grateful for this picture of the Creator God – Elohim – Who bends to the lowest point of creation – the dust – that I might rise to the highest intention of the universe and have a relationship with the Deity" ~ Selwyn Hughes

I'm privileged to be a child of LOVE – God is LOVE!!!

Life Abundantly

One of my most favourite verses in the Bible is John 10:10 – I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.

Every time I think of this verse, I can’t help but ask myself, what is abundant life? Is it having a life that has no troubles? Or is it having everything you can ever ask for? What is it???

Over the past few weeks, through all my cribbing (yes I have the ability to bug the life out of God with my constant whining) God taught me what an abundant life I was actually living. He taught me how to honor the work He has so graciously hand-picked me to do. Over the past few weeks, I watched people, who I would’ve imagined would have found their lives meaningless, live life that screams out abundance. I watched a man without hands and feet, live a life that was complete and independent – independent because of his dependence on Christ. I watched a man clinging to Christ knowing his wife would die any day now – she has fourth degree cancer. I watched a man struggle with feelings of guilt and despair, after his brother died, just days after his brother donated part of his liver to save his life.

I saw all these people living such full lives and took a close look at my own. What was I doing? Sulking because I had spots on my face? Because I had too much weight on my body? Because I had no hair? Because I hadn’t achieved anything ‘significant’ in my life? Because I was a 23yr old without many friends and without what I thought was life? Nonsense! My life the way it was, was God given. And God saw all that He had made, and it was good. … and that, changed everything. Physical appearances, circumstances, no longer mattered. I realized that I was happy not because of who/what was around me but because I learnt to tap in to that joy that actually Christ had filled in to my life ages ago. I realized that it didn’t matter that I never once had a relationship, when kids so much younger than me were making life long commitments. The only relationship that mattered was the one I shared with that Person Who shed every single drop of blood for me on the cross of Calvary and if I asked Him now, would do it all over again, without so much as thinking for a fraction of a second. That’s my Man! And I have no qualms declaring it!

This is abundant life – to know for a fact that I’ve been loved beyond measure; enough to have the Son of man die on the cross and live again for me; walking with me through all the sense and the non-sense that I go through everyday.

This is abundant life – that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8: 38-39).