In Control? Really?

Chaos! Chaos everywhere! Is there an end to all the innocent blood that is being shed? The Bible did predict this hundreds of years ago – “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars … Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places (Matt 24:6-7)” – but it still is disheartening, discouraging and scary!

As I read the news about the Mumbai blasts today, I couldn’t help but wonder – Is God even watching all of this? Does He even care?

As a by-stander, a third person, I can safely say that the Lord is sovereign, He knows all things, etc., etc., the typical Christian outlook on things. But then I wonder, what about the people in the heart of this situation? What about the people who are injured and struggling between life and death in the hospital – would they think God is control? What about those whose bodies have been shred to pieces – would their families think God is in control? What about the wife who didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her husband – would she think God is in control? What about the little boy who will never see his mom again – would he think God is in control? What about the father who is mourning the loss of his child – would he think God is in control? What about those who witnessed the blast, witnessed the loss of innocent blood, witnessed people being burnt, body parts flinging across the skies – would they think God is in control? What about the man who lost his arm, the woman who has to live without legs her entire life? What about the bride-to-be whose entire body is now scarred and face disfigured – would she think God is in control?

And as I sat back in reflection, I looked up and asked, “Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And then, all of a sudden I felt something wet trickle down beside me – blood! Lots of it! I screamed! I got scared! It wasn’t my blood. Someone else was hurt and they were hurt real bad. I ran around looking for them. I stepped on something – it was a piece of flesh. I got even more scared! Was I at the scene of the bomb blast? I panicked. I looked around again. I ran. I bumped in to the tree. When I fell down, I saw another chunk of flesh! Wait! This didn’t seem like the effect of a blast. It seemed more like the flesh that was ripped off of someone’s body. Ewww!!! Who would do something like that?!!! I followed the blood trail as it led me up a hill top. The amount of blood I saw made me ask this question – after all this, does the person hurt,  even have a drop of blood remaining in his body?. I looked up at this man, completely bruised, blood all over his body, his face and body disfigured by what seemed like injuries made by a whip. The soldier stabbed the man in his side with a spear, and I had the answer to my question – there was indeed no more blood left in his body. Only serum oozed out. Every single drop of blood was shed. I watched this man, beaten, flogged, injured, disfigured beyond recognition. As darkness spread across the skies, I watched his body slump against the rugged cross. I watched the woman at his feet, weeping the loss of her son. I watched the expression of his friends who watched his horrific death. I watched as his father ran his fingers over his torn body. I watched as the soldiers got him off the cross. I watched as his parents went hysterical over their son’s lifeless body. I watched as his heavenly Father turned His face away. I watched as the innocent lamb was slain. I watched as the perfect sacrifice was made. I watched as the ransom was paid. I listened as I recollected what he’d said – “Father, in to Your hands I commit my spirit. It is finished!”

I shut my eyes at the revelation. Unshed tears now flowing down, as I reflected on the questions I raised just a few minutes ago, to the One Who I thought had distanced Himself from the suffering and injustice in this world. 

“Lord, don’t You see? Don’t You care? Do You even know how it feels?”

And Jesus stretched out His nail pierced hands and said, “I know how it feels. I understand”

I knew then – I don’t have to wonder if God is still in control. He is. He sees. He knows. But He ain’t sitting with His arms folded – “The day is coming when the wicked will be judged, and justice will be served - For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace; and all the arrogant and every evildoer will be chaff; and the day that is coming will set them ablaze,” says the LORD of hosts (Malachi 4:1)

Until then,

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name!

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!

The Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silent before Him!

From Lent to Easter

So for this edition of our newsletter, my colleague asked me if I could write her an article on what lent is. Obviously, I was thinking too highly of my writing skills when I agreed, only to realize that I was depending on skills I didn’t have (Sigh!). Her deadline for me was Tuesday, April 5 and since I am at times a big believer of ‘what can be done tomorrow should only be done tomorrow’, I thought I’d wait for the long Ugadi weekend to put in to words.

As luck would have it, I didn’t quite have a free weekend. In fact, I was travelling to Vizag to attend a program. Since it was the weekend and the World Cup fever was on (India won! India won! Woohooo!!!!), my evenings were pretty much free. I walked up to the beach and was in awe of the ocean – it's magnificence, it's strength, the power it held to draw me and gobble me up in no time, the humility it showed in gently caressing my feet as it washed across the shore, and the uncanny sense of peace and calm it emits. As I watched the waves trickling to my feet, I looked around and saw the rocks that kept the waves from reaching me with zest. I got a little annoyed but stepped a bit further in to the ocean and while doing so, couldn’t help but wonder why people thought the ocean was hypnotic. And, then, I suddenly realized what they meant – I found myself, face to face with this huge wave that was rushing towards me and I could for that moment, understand what all those people felt when they saw the tsunami gush their way – okay the wave that came toward me was not as big as a tsunami wave but the fear it generated was all the same. What I didn’t realize was that while I was lost in the beauty of the ocean, the sand beneath my feet slipped away and drew me in. I shut my eyes and hoped I wouldn’t die. But to my surprise and great relief (believe you me!), the wave that hit me was not as powerful as I anticipated it to be. As I looked around, I realized that the intensity with which the wave came didn’t change. What made the difference was what was between the wave and me – a rock!

I thought of what just happened. The rock that stood before me as a hurdle was something that I was now grateful for. I realized how true that sentiment held to life itself. I realized that each of us, in our own way, crib and cry about rocks that come in our way. But what we fail to realize is that they’re probably the only things that are keeping the storm at bay. Thrilled at my insight, I walked back to the shore and realized that what I’d learnt was exactly what Lent was about – a time of reflection on the cross of Christ – the cross that even today, stands between my sin and me. The only difference between the rock in the ocean and the cross of Christ, is that though the wave hit the rock, the water was still there. But when my sin met the cross, it was like my sin never existed in the first place.

Good Friday is a day that commemorates Christ’s death on the cross, as a full and complete sacrifice for the sin of all mankind, breaking the barrier between God and man, demonstrating the greatest expression of love. And, Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ, as a victory over sin and death, a reminder that all things do work out for good, that good will reign over evil, that life will reign over death.

If today, you feel like there is a lot happening in your life and the burden of it all is too much to bear, don’t lose hope. If the night is here, then the dawn isn’t too far away. If Good Friday is here, then Easter is sure to come.

Is This Love?

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth ... so begins Genesis chapter 1, a chapter we've read and read and read hundreds of times! At least, I've read this chapter several times. But the other day, as I asked the Lord to 'open eyes that I might see great and wonderful things in His law', He unfolded this gift of creation, in a way I've neverknown before.

As I read through these verses, I had a whole new perspective on creation. I learnt that while creating the heavens and the earth, the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea, the plants, the towering mountains, the gorgeous sceneries, the Lord just spoke the Word and everything came in to existence. He said, "Let there be light" and the Bible records, "there was light" - He said it and it was done. But, when it came to you and me … when it came to creating us, He created us in His own image. The hands that bore the nails on the cross, were the hands that created all that I am. In our case, He didn't just say the word and bring us into existence. Rather, He took time to "make" you and me.

As I read this chapter, I imagined every scene … I watched the Lord kneel on the ground, He put his hands in the mud wondering where to start because you and I had to be perfect! As I watched, I could see the delight and glee in His eyes as He carefully formed my body. With mud smudged on His brow, His dress all messed up, He carved my eyes, ears, mouth and lips to perfection. Once I was finished, He smiled, brought me really close to Himself and breathed me in to life. When you and I call out – "Our Father" – We are actually calling out to the 'Creator' of the heavens and the earth … The fact is that the Lord of the earth is the very God Who made all that I am!... And God saw all that He had created and it was good.

One quote that came to my mind as I realized with what love and delight the Lord created me is as follows -"I am so grateful for this picture of the Creator God – Elohim – Who bends to the lowest point of creation – the dust – that I might rise to the highest intention of the universe and have a relationship with the Deity" ~ Selwyn Hughes

I'm privileged to be a child of LOVE – God is LOVE!!!

Life Abundantly

One of my most favourite verses in the Bible is John 10:10 – I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.

Every time I think of this verse, I can’t help but ask myself, what is abundant life? Is it having a life that has no troubles? Or is it having everything you can ever ask for? What is it???

Over the past few weeks, through all my cribbing (yes I have the ability to bug the life out of God with my constant whining) God taught me what an abundant life I was actually living. He taught me how to honor the work He has so graciously hand-picked me to do. Over the past few weeks, I watched people, who I would’ve imagined would have found their lives meaningless, live life that screams out abundance. I watched a man without hands and feet, live a life that was complete and independent – independent because of his dependence on Christ. I watched a man clinging to Christ knowing his wife would die any day now – she has fourth degree cancer. I watched a man struggle with feelings of guilt and despair, after his brother died, just days after his brother donated part of his liver to save his life.

I saw all these people living such full lives and took a close look at my own. What was I doing? Sulking because I had spots on my face? Because I had too much weight on my body? Because I had no hair? Because I hadn’t achieved anything ‘significant’ in my life? Because I was a 23yr old without many friends and without what I thought was life? Nonsense! My life the way it was, was God given. And God saw all that He had made, and it was good. … and that, changed everything. Physical appearances, circumstances, no longer mattered. I realized that I was happy not because of who/what was around me but because I learnt to tap in to that joy that actually Christ had filled in to my life ages ago. I realized that it didn’t matter that I never once had a relationship, when kids so much younger than me were making life long commitments. The only relationship that mattered was the one I shared with that Person Who shed every single drop of blood for me on the cross of Calvary and if I asked Him now, would do it all over again, without so much as thinking for a fraction of a second. That’s my Man! And I have no qualms declaring it!

This is abundant life – to know for a fact that I’ve been loved beyond measure; enough to have the Son of man die on the cross and live again for me; walking with me through all the sense and the non-sense that I go through everyday.

This is abundant life – that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8: 38-39).

Even In My Darkest Hour

The other day my 3yr old nephew Anand was making a fuss – he wanted to go out. Unable to bear his tantrum, I took him out. I was taking him to the terrace and all along, he didn't want to hold my hand. I forcefully held it but he somehow wriggled out and kept walking ahead, holding on to the staircase railing and at times to nothing at all.

As I walked up the staircase, all of a sudden, I felt his little hand clutch my finger, as if he were holding on for dear life – I realized then that we were walking in darkness and he wanted to stay as close to me as possible… he just didn't want to let go – period!It was at that point that I felt God speak to me… He showed me the reason He allowed me to walk through darkness – so I would learn to hold on to Him…

Micah 7:8b – Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Here Today; Gone Tomorrow

March 4, 2010:

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes ~ James 4:14

I was so excited this morning – my first ever air show! I looked at the pass like a zillion times… Charged my camera all night long coz I didn’t want to miss any pictures. Morning seemed to take forever. I woke up – took flat 30mins to get dressed and out of the house. I rushed my way through the security check, holding on to my pass for dear life.

So many planes – WOW! I felt insignificant around them.

The show started… Fighter planes zipping by… Two planes from the right, two from the left came close to each other and made a split – two took the U to the left but only one took the U to the right… What happened? Where’d the 4th flight go? It swirled in the sky for a few seconds – what a cool stunt I thought. Little did I know, that was no stunt – that was the pilot’s struggle between life and death. I watched in horror as the fighter plane crashed in to a building – a loud blast and the plane was consumed in flames. Thick dark smoke. We saw one pilot eject himself – parachute up in the sky. Was he safe? The darn thing didn’t open – he hit hard ground and died.

It all seemed so weird. A split second ago, pilots Commander S. K. Maurya and Lt. Commander Rahul Nair were up in the sky; probably even imagining the excitement of their audiences. The next thing they know, the flight goes out of control. The same flight that took them zooming in the sky, brought them crashing down to rock bottom.

All this made me wonder – what would have been going through their minds? I agree that there were others injured in the mishap. But, isn’t not anticipating injury and getting injured so much easier than, staring at the choice between life and death, knowing fully well that they would both result in death alone? Imagine their hopelessness!

Gosh! Itz all so scary!

All the hopes and plans that Maurya and Rahul made for today, for tomorrow, for their lives ahead, all vanished in a split second. I understood at that point what James (in the Bible) meant when he compared life to a vapor – here today, gone tomorrow.

Maurya and Rahul would’ve practiced their acts zillions of times – they trusted their equipment. They knew their planes would pull this act off today as well… What happened? All that they hoped in, gave way to a crash landing.

I ask myself today, where is my hope and my security built? On the equipment I use? On my job? My family? My friends? On my possessions? … whatz the point of figuring it all out and then realizing that my only hope gives way?

At that point, I remembered a very old hymn that I learnt. It was a reality check to see where I stand… Actually a check on where my hope stands… It made me realize that I still may be shit scared to look at death in the eye but if I did, I wouldn't lose hope - for my hope is built on things unseen -

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When Darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
supports me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found!
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand.

I’m still unsure of my tomorrow. Unsure of what is and what is to be - Unsure of life, uncertain of my future. But, my reality is in the fact that I know ‘Who’ holds tomorrow, and I know ‘Who’ holds my hand.

Many things about tomorrow, I still don’t seem to understand… But you know what? Now, it doesn't matter as much!

Twinkle! Twinkle!

"Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star. How I wonder what you are?"

She used to hate it when I sang this song to her and just coz she hated it, I sang it even more. Twinkle was one of those kids you'd call a 'Wise Crack'. Man! She was 5yrs old but she'd talk like a buddi amma. Always clad in a baniyan and a chaddi, she'd say she was no less than any of the boys in our church compound. She was fair and absolutely cute.

Today when I heard what had happened, I ran to church to see her. All I saw was her lifeless body, lying in a freezer box. I couldn't gather enough courage to walk up to her. How could I? When you say the name Twinkle, I can only think of this cheerful child, always running around, playing and giggling... mostly giggling and giggling over nothing. She would sit in the front row during Sunday School and dance to every song we sang. She didn't care about who was around her. But yea, she'd love to come and tattle tale about the boy next to her who wasn't doing any actions... I can still see her rapt attention when we did the famous 'zoo' skit in VBS. Her laughter still ringing in my ear. After every act, she would come up to me and laugh at the way I dressed or the way I acted... What I wouldn't give to hear her laugh again!

When I ran to church today, everyone thought Twinkle was my student in Sunday School - she wasn't. And the worst part, she never will. This academic year she'd be all of 6 and would have been in my class but I'll never know what it would feel like to have that little atom bomb.

There was this once when I was getting ready for a concert in church. Not finding any mirror, I went to car in the parking lot and looked in to the mirror while putting on my lipstick. And this little thing was standing in front of me, explaining to me in all profoundness, why it was good to put listick (as she called it) and how I should do it more often. She also explained to me, and mind you at that time she was all of 4, why an eyeliner pencil is not good, because it always made her eyes water. Then she noticed that I had put everything but didn't put 'poeder'. I told her I wasn't carrying any, and this little thing ran to her house, still clad in a baniyan and chaddi, and came back running with her fist tightly shut. She came up to me and opened her tiny palm - she brought me some 'poeder' to put on. The powder she brought probably would cover just one side of my cheek, but she was so proud of what she did. She protested when I kissed her and left my listick marks on her but then, she eventually gave up. I found great pleasure in irritating her coz when she got upset, her fair cheeks would go pink!!!

Twinkle is still one of the most precious children I've come across. It just breaks my heart to know her life was so short. Today as I stared at this sleeping child, I thought of all those children who walked in to my life over these past years, and I wish I could run to each one of them, give them a tight bear hug, give them a tight kiss leaving my 'listick' mark on them, and tell them I love them.

Twinkle! Twinkle! Little star!
How I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky!

Goodbye Twinkle, you'll always be a diamond in my heart. And tomorrow, when I don't see you in the front row in Sunday School, I'm going to miss you like crazy, knowing full well, I never will see you here again.

Even though I don't understand why this happened, I guess I don't have a choice but to say as Job did - "The Lord gave... and the Lord has taken away"

I'll miss you baby!!!

Holy Fool

The other night I read this awesome article called Holy Fools for my devotions (Our Daily Bread). And this particular verse caught my attention. It reads - When God spoke to Abram, he obeyed at once, departing for an unknown land based only on a promise. Childless, he trusted God to make of him “a great nation” (Genesis 12:2).

I love how the verse says that Abram departed, based only on a promise!!! I mean, WOW!!! And beat this, God told Abram he’d be a great nation, when he was 75yrs old and God fulfilled His promise when he was 100yrs old. Despite the fact that there was a difference of 25yrs between the promise and its fulfillment, Abram not once doubted! It’s just awesome! Plain awesome! That’s the only explanation!

Its so weird how in theory faith seems so “wow” but when exercised, we realize that our faith does not even amount to the size of a mustard seed! This Abram dude has officially become my whack-stick and my faith-hero! Hez super cool!

Just Realized...

I just realized that there is NOTHING I (we) can mess up in my (our) life that God cannot set right.I think I (we) can safely pride in our Lord's damage - control skills :)In Christ, its never an end ... Always a NEW BEGINNING!!!